Continued from last post…
Reflecting on this woman, I have decided she has a psychological problem. No one could be that focused on finding some way to cheat a store, to get away with something, to save pennies. This was another b**** from that generation just before mine—born during WWII and not after it. What happened to them? Were they born in the amniotic fluid of stress? Everything N.C. said to us came across antagonistic and sharp. (Edit: incident removed.)
This all happened 48 hours after our country was attacked for the first time ever, and we were all in shock over the tragic loss of life, while here was a woman trying to cheat someone out of their money. Somehow it seems to me that our values are askew. What is important to Americans—life as usual as trained consumers.
Monday, September 17
Yesterday, a long day at work. Dogged by the feeling that there is something more important I should be doing. Is President Bushy talking literally or figuratively about going to war against the terrorism and (that lovely term) -“evil”? I know the troops began moving almost since the beginning. He has not been passively “thinking it over.” Why do wars seem to turn up when we need them the most economically?
Would love to quit the job and concentrate on the farm, but I cannot afford to unless I get a renter. Four renter interviews with no takers. Want to hold out for a woman. The job does not belong in my life. The “trinket factory” should close in a time of war. But I am remembering Vietnam years when business went on as usual. I am sure I continued to buy things then and that my personal life was affected very little. The war was, after all, somewhere else.
Could not fall asleep for a long time last night. …This morning I am trashed and awash with feelings of depression. (Edit, whole page of personal material)
Tuesday, September 18
Our leaders keep speechifying about the American people being angry and calling for vengeance. Who? Where? The talk shows (on liberal KUNC) have aired this opinion, echoed repeatedly, that this is a “war” we should think over carefully, not jump into hastily. We are sad over the tragic bombing. We want improved anti-terrorist safety measures, not vengeance against unknown attackers where we, too, might kill innocent civilians.
The very best that has come out of this is the feeling of solidarity with all other Americans. A sense that we are all in this together, that we are all one country, even if we live in a small town isolated in the mountains what has happened in New York is a part of us. This has evolved into a simply wonderful sense of unity. The flag displays are thrilling to see. Inspiring. This is the first time in my lifetime I have ever wanted to fly the flag. For me it is not the old patriotism (“my country right or wrong”). I do not, however, own a flag.
I hope…and I am worried about this…that our flag waving does not turn into a chauvinist propaganda piece, that we don’t begin to look for the enemy within…identified as all those who aren’t waving flags or crying for war. Identified as all those whose skin color is mid-eastern.
To be continued, with a wrap-up commentary
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National Diary Archive 